Saturday, June 15, 2013

New beginnings........

New Beginnings......Usually when you hear those words, you think of something positive. Something that was thought out, where there was a choice and a chance was taken. But, what if you are put in the situation where you have no choice. You were not the one to make that decision and you were left with no alternative. Welcome to my new life! This past year has been hard to say the least. My marriage crumbled. I watched my husband of 12 years call it quits and quickly move on with his new life. And then come the surprising news that three weeks before we seperated, we had conceived our fourth child, our fourth little boy. It was a hard pill to swallow at first because I was scared and I was alone, and to my shock, I was dealing with a man who had no hopes of reconciliation at all. He was ready to completely walk away with no regrets and pursue his new life that he was carving out for himself. Becoming a single Mom is hard. It is exhausting, scary, but at the same time, my boys are my little blessings that get me through. I can now look back and see where I took for granted that I had a normal family life. There were a lot of days I needed alone time. It is the alone time now that is so empty, silent, and so dreaded. I don't do well on the weekends that they are with their Daddy. I would rather have my house messy, loud, and full of chaos than to have to deal with a silent empty house. However, that is going to change in hopefully the next week or so. Grayson Reid is my little angel that was heaven sent in a time that I so desperately needed him. He was a surprise, but he was a good surprise. I have found so much comfort in carrying this baby. I have embraced this pregnancy and have not for once took it for granted. God chose me to be a mother again and I will accept that responsibility and regard it a honor to have this chance again. God has purpose for our lives and Grayson is just part of the master plan that has been laid out for me. Last Thursday I went for my doctor's appointment with hopes of having a scheduled date for my c section. They done a sonogram to make sure he was ready, and well.....he is just not ready yet. His lungs are not quite ready. So, I'll wait another week and hopefully he will be ready when he is checked at the next visit. I'm ready to meet this little guy, but not until he is. It has been a long time since I have posted anything to our blog. There have been a lot of changes. The next time I update, I hope to have pictures of our new addition. My boys are so exicted about getting a new baby brother. You would think they were getting a new puppy. It is so heart warming to see their excitement and anticipation. I cant wait to see what the next chapter of my life holds. It is said that good things fall apart so that better things can come together. It is scary to think ahead, but I know it will get better!!

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